Monday, December 12, 2016

Why

Kenapa, orang/manusia/masyarakat rasa kalau satu pasangan tu dah bernikah, dan mereka masih belum punya zuriat, salahnya hanya terletak pada perempuan?
Lemahnya hanya pada perempuan?

Bukan-kah lelaki juga ada bahagiannya juga?
Tapi kenapa nampak kurangnya hanya pada sebelah perempuan?
Kenapa?

Sama juga dengan soalan, pertanyaan.
Kenapa hanya ditujukan pada perempuan?
Kenapa tidak juga pada lelaki?
Apakah yang mengandung itu, hanya perlu perempuan sahaja, tanpa keterlibatan lelaki?
Nonsense.
Truly nonsense!

Penat.
Letih.
Lemah.
Dan biar aku menjauh.
Biar aku berlari pergi.

Dan,
Terima kasih.
Kau rasa aku sensitif dan cuba untuk tidak menimbulkannya,
Tetapi, kau beri racun pada dia.
Dan itu, buat aku rasa direjam berkali-kali.

Apapun,
Terima kasih,
Kerana concern.
In what-ever way u can think about.
Thanks!

Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Drained.

News, from SIL, got pregnant, alhamdulillah. Married on April 2016.
Alhmdulillah for the rezq. I am truly happy for her. Congratulate her.
But,
I don't know..when I enter my room, I burst into tears. My body feel weak. And, the fact that I am working 24hours on that day doesn't help, at all.
From 12noon, until 6pm..i cried, stop, pray, cried again, stop, recite Quran, cried again and again. Until 6pm, I have to force myself to get out from the room as I am still supposed to work.
Until next day, and the day after that..I had the mood swing. A very bad one.
And, I am on every other day 24 hours working...so I am physically and emotionally drained...
Come on, I am honestly happy for her. I am. But I can't just help it. Gloomy, sorrow. Sometimes I just feel hopeless.
Very.

Pray.
Believe.
Trust.

Berdamailah dengan takdir.

HE knows best!

Monday, October 10, 2016

Dilemma

Hmm...
Quite some times..not writing here.

Living stressful life, never-ending work, never-ending burden.

Nov to January next year would be chaotic, as many of them taking long leave for part 1, part 2 & paces.

Left with me, unsure..with eod calls or maybe back to back..

They once ask me, what do i want. Straightly, my answer was : i want to be housewife/WAHM/SAHM.
And they give a shocking face to me.
Like...seriously?

Come on, what's wrong on being housewife/SAHM/WAHM?

I once told my old friend, the reply i got was : ada husband boleh laaa

Whattt???

I am pissed off, but jokingly replied : no la. Not ok when i want to do online shopping.
Ha ha (fake).

Seriously? U think a working wife depend much on her husband? Let me tell u, u ARE wrong.
Of course, the husband would give the nafkah everymonth, prepare all the neccessities et cetera..
But, when i want to indulge for myself, when i am stress and want to buy this & that, or eat this and that, i don't ask the money from him..cz it's not his responsible anymore. It's not necessities, it's just, I WANT.

So the idea of, i am married and have a husband, and it's OK for me to quit, just because i am married, is totally wrong.
I quit, but i need to support myself, and have my own income.

Hmm..
What i am rambling about..

Actually my colleague told me not to waste time & quickly take part 1,2,paces & gazzette.
But...
I can feel that i am still not ready. Plus, my interest not on that field.
In my defense, why should i pay & burden myself for something that i am not even like?

So, yeah.
I am in a depressed state.
Lethargic.
Chronic fatigue syndrome.